Tag Archives: NVC

Creating a Family Cohesive Environment for your Tot

While attending church, we have always gone to the building that allows children to attend with their parents, instead of opting for weekly childcare. When the church recently added a building for high schoolers to participate in a church service with their peers, that felt off to me.  Isn’t attending church a family event to do together, not separate?  Unless they are homeschooled, children are at daycare or school with peers, up to 5 days a week.  Why would a 6th day at church be an additional option or offering?  I’m definitely not the only one that feels this way, because I do see some small tots to high schoolers with their parents during the service.
Recently I was led to a very intriguing book titled, Hold on to your Kids by Gabor Mate’.  This book provides profound information on the reasons that children are most often choosing to bond to peer groups, rather than parents, as early as 8 years of age. The book also cites the detrimental outcomes of children’s confidence, emotional development and even vocabulary by having an allegiance to their peers.  The dramatic increase in peer bonding is a fairly recent occurrence in society.
To get a flavor of the in depth information in Gabor Mate’s book, listen to this eye opening talk on the basis of peer group orientation.  It is a topic typically brought up by parents who are disgruntled and exasperated, yet regretfully accept that their children avoid communication with them and only want to be with their friends.   The link below and his book give perspective on a behavior that is believed to be “normal” for children, but in reality it is not normal, nor is it optimal for child development.  

Communicating with Compassion

In conversation, mom’s have happily shared the outcome when they extend compassion and empathy during a tot’s intense emotion. They notice the mood of their little one mostly shifts to completion and calm quite quickly. Now more and more parents have expressed to us the desire to be effective listeners who are naturally compassionate to their little one’s and loved ones.

Here is a wonderful opportunity for all to learn Communicating with Compassion in a 10 week phone conference course taught by Bernard Uzi Weingarten.  This tele-course will give you the skills of creating connection by understanding what it really takes to be an effective listener. You will quickly learn why the common phrase, “I hear you” is not effective listening and learn what really makes a person deeply know they are heard. Everyone wants to be heard and know they are understood, especially our little tots! Imagine the beauty of being the person that your child knows he can go to for listening and understanding.
And how to listen effectively is only the first part of what the course teaches. How to give advice without creating resentment; communication mistakes you want to avoid; and a very important section on how to avoid blaming and shaming. Best part is, class time is divided between learning the material and practicing it while Bernard coaches you. (And these skills are highly effective in dealing with adults, not just kids.)
To learn more about the course, please visit http://www.cwcseminars.com/ 
If you are intrigued and want to get an idea of the content and flow of the course, Bernard welcomes you to participate in the first two classes for free. You can join this week on Thursday Nov 17 at 2-3 PM EST (which is 11-noon Pacific) at no cost. There are also courses beginning every month, and the first two sessions are always free.
Email Bernard (uziteaches@aol.com) to join the class on Thursday or to get on his email list and receive his ‘nuggets of wisdom’ and notices of future courses and no-cost sessions. And tell him The Tot’s Café sent you!